I told Matt the other day that I feel like I've been in the Bishop's Office at church more in the past 2 months or so than ever before. :) 
I guess it was about 1.5-2.0 weeks ago that I got a call from Brother Pendleton (the Executive Secretary, I guess?) in our Ward.....asking me to come in and meet with the Bishop again the next Sunday (a week ago). I told him I that would and when I hung up the phone, I turned to Matt and said....."I'm getting another calling." I automatically knew it was coming.
Over the next few days, I found myself thinking and speculating periodically about what I was about to be called to. Honestly, I thought at first that I was getting called back to the Enrichment Committee because 3 different people had come to me at different times and told me that I was being considered for coming back. I was o.k. with that, even a little excited, because I had really enjoyed serving with those ladies on the Committee when I was the R.S. Counselor over the Committee. I was even more excited that I would be able to go and participate/help out, but didn't have to be in charge of it this time. :)
Anyway, as the days wore on and it got closer to Sunday, I pretty much had figured that that was it. HOWEVER, all of a sudden on Saturday, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks that the younger nursery was being split and they were looking to call Nursery Leaders. I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN! Suddenly, I felt fear grip my stomach and my initial reaction was....NO! NO! NO! NO! I don't want to get 'stuck' in nursery again!! I can't do it! I WON'T do it! I felt sick just thinking about it....
I have to back up at this point and tell you, for those of you who don't already know, that I have served in the Nursery before. In our previous Ward, before we got split and put back into the 4th Ward, Matt and I were in Nursery for about a year and then were teachers in Primary for about a year or so before the Ward split. I have to be honest and tell you that that was REALLY hard for us during that time! We were beginning the adoption process, feeling a little 'lost', and basically just struggling at that point. We were hurting and frustrated and a little MAD that we were having so much trouble getting our own family started and basically felt like we were going to church to 'babysit' everyone else's children and were getting nothing out of church ourselves. Don't get me wrong, we loved and adored our children that we were working with, but it was still very difficult for us. Then, as the Wards were split and everything was realigned again for about the trillionth time........I was ECSTATIC to get called to the Relief Society Presidency, where I've always felt more comfortable. It was just what the 'doctor ordered' at that time in my life.....
So as I contemplated all of this in preparation for my new calling that I KNEW I was about to get, I was scared to death that I was about to get called into Nursery again. I had pretty much talked myself into saying 'no'....that it was just too hard for me right now. (I know, I know. What a selfish brat I was being! What a horrible thought to have! blah, blah, blah)
After church last Sunday, June 7, I met with Brother Stringam. My heart was pounding and I felt sick to my stomach! As we began talking, I suddenly KNEW that I was getting called to Nursery again. As Zac and I talked about the new calling, he expressed to me that he felt that I would be great at it and that I have a 'natural mother instinct' and am great with kids. I almost laughed in his face! Many of you have heard me say, on more than 1 occasion, that I sometimes wonder if I got passed over for the 'Mommy gene' when Heavenly Father was 'giving them out' in Heaven. Maybe that's why I haven't been blessed with children yet!
However, as we talked further my attitude began to change and I felt myself looking at things in a different light. I did express my concerns to Zac about needing to still be able to go to R. S. once in awhile because I really need that spiritual upliftment and the interaction with the other sisters in the Ward.......at least once in awhile. He explained that they were calling 3 other sisters to serve with me so that we could hopefully switch off once in awhile so that we could all still get that 'break' and spiritual upliftment that we might need at times. He told me who else was being called with me, and I was very excited! I love the ladies that I will be serving with, and it will be a pleasure to serve with them. I began to see things in a different light.............
Throughout the last week, I thought a lot about my new calling and have become more excited for it and less 'dreadful' about it. I've noticed my attitude changing for the better, and by Sunday I was actually looking forward to starting something new again. By the end of church yesterday, I was feeling happy about my new calling and having the opportunity to serve with the ladies I'll be serving with. I think we'll have lots of fun together, and hopefully we can do some good for the children we will be serving. We've got the new little ones who are just trying to transition into being in Nursery.....which can be a bit of a hard transition for both the parents and the kids at times. I totally understand the separation anxiety that some may experience (both parents and kids) and will do my best to love the children and help them to feel comfortable to be in Nursery.
I do have a request, though, for parents of children who may be in our Nursery......or for parents elsewhere who have Nursery aged children. Please, PLEASE allow us to love your children and help them to feel more comfortable to be there. It makes our jobs 10 TIMES HARDER when you keep coming in and out of the room. We will do our best and if your child is having a particularly rough day......we'll come find you. I have found, from experience, that most children will begin to settle down and feel more comfortable.....it's MUCH LESS traumatizing.....when the parents drop the children off and go to class, even if they are upset and crying. Every time the door opens and closes, the children get upset all over again.....and when one starts, they all start!
I really hope no one is offended by any of the things I've said here. I do realize that my attitude towards Primary has been a bit 'bratty' and selfish in the past........but I can feel that changing in me now. I am gaining a new perspective, and I hope that I can grow and learn as I serve your children. Maybe this is just another step in preparing me for motherhood someday, I don't know. It's interesting to me that Primary has been a very real, very hard struggle for me in the past.......but yet my Patriarchal Blessing speaks quite specifically repeadtedly about me serving and loving our Heavenly Father's children. I've never quite understood that, since serving the children has seemed to SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF ME in the past........hhhhmmmmm.....Again, I often wonder what Heavenly Father has in store for me.........
Oh yeah! I'm also still serving as the Nursery Song Leader, too. I will slip out of our Nursery for about a half hour to go sing with the other 2 nurseries........and then will come back to ours and do singing time with ours as well. We'll see how that works. It if becomes too traumatizing for our children to have me going in and out, we may have to think of another alternative. But for now, I'll be doing both.
