Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

In the last year in particular I have found that it has become more and more of a struggle for me to read my scriptures and say my prayers daily. It's something that I KNOW I should be doing, but for some reason I seem to struggle with actually getting it done. I'm allowing too many other unimportant things to get in the way......or it basically really just boils down to pure laziness on my part.

I've come to the realization that this is part of the reason that this last year has been a struggle for me on several different levels. I've missed having that close relationship with my Heavenly Father and I have felt quite 'alone' for much of this last year....which I've come to the realization is largely due to my own fault.

With the beginning of the new year, it has become very evident to me that I need to make some positive changes on my part. I need to reevaluate the things that are most important to me and put those things first and foremost in my life. I have to make a conscious effort to stop allowing those things that are unimportant and distracting from getting in the way and taking over.

I used to have such a wonderful, loving, and close relationship with my Heavenly Father. I knew that he knew me and that he knew what was going on in my life. With great joy and appreciation, I can actually look back over my life at numerous occasions when I recognized then and still do today that my Heavenly Father was there for me. Whatever trials and tests I may have been enduring at that time, I can honestly say now with great confidence that I KNOW with a surety that my Heavenly Father was there for me and that he helped me to get through those tough times. And it was through those tough times that I gained an even greater love and appreciation for my Savior in ways that I might not have otherwise.

I guess in my stubbornness and in my own stupidity, I have chosen to forget those things in the last year or 2......and, as a result, I have felt quite alone at times. I haven't felt nearly as close or connected to my Heavenly Father during this time of trial as I should be.....and it's completely my own fault, I know.

With the beginning of the new year and my realization that some things need to change in my life........I have gained a greater desire to get back to that relationship that I used to have with my Savior. I want to feel his loving arms around me again, comforting me when my heart is breaking and when I'm struggling with my own personal trials. I want to feel his love and the hope and peace that comes with it. I want to have greater faith and hope that the things that I'm struggling with will work themselves out eventually when the time is right. I'm tired of the loneliness and fear that I've felt for quite some time now.

Yes, I said fear. I have also come to the realization that fear is a large part of some of what I've been struggling with as well. Fear of the unknown......fear of failure......fear that I can't handle or do whatever it is that the Lord has in store for me. It's time to finally let go of that fear and allow myself to be a better person and have faith that with the Lord's help and guiding hand, I can do whatever it is that He needs me to do. I do know that with the Lord's help I can do anything......I just forgot.....again.

As part of my effort to make some of these positive changes in my life, Matt and I have made some pretty big decisions. We made the decision to sell our house and 'downsize' and 'simplify' for a while and move into an apartment while we do so. While it was a very hard decision to make, it's one that we haven't regretted and that we still feel very good and peaceful about. It's been a good faith-promoting experience for us both. We have both felt the hand of the Lord guiding us and helping us in the process. Once those decisions were made, we felt that they were the right ones and we have felt peace and happiness about it since.

I have also begun to make some personal changes of my own in order to rekindle my relationship with my Heavenly Father again. I guess you could say that I'm trying to get back to basics and 'simplify' in the spiritual aspect as well. I have made a goal for myself to read my scriptures at least a 1/2 hour a day and to say my personal prayers again. I have really, earnestly, been doing this for about 2 weeks now, and I can already feel a difference. I have designated an hour to 1.5 hours first thing in the morning as MY time. This is MY time to read my scriptures, say my prayers, and I also even allow myself time to read a chapter or 2 of whatever book I'm enjoying reading at the time. I'm not quite to my scriptures yet, but I have been trying to catch up on reading the Ensign as a way to start. (I'm about 2 years behind.) I have found that it's been a great way to start my morning and I find that I actually look forward to getting up in the morning and having this 'ME' time.

Anyway, in my reading this morning in the May 2009, Conference issue of the Ensign I came across this talk and it completely blew me away!! I know I heard this talk when Elder Pearson actually gave it in Conference 2 years ago.....but I'm sure it didn't sink in nearly as profoundly as it did today. This talk absolutely penetrated my heart to the core.......so much so that I actually read it twice. It was everything I needed to hear right now. I wanted to share it with you, so here is the link to get to that talk online.

http://lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/faith-in-the-lord-jesus-christ?lang=eng&query=faith+lord+jesus+christ

AMAZING!! Exactly what I needed to hear today. It was like a ray of light shining into my soul as I read it and I immediately knew that this is what I need to focus on right now. I need to let go of the fear and work on having more faith. I need to learn to love myself more and stop worrying about failure and fear of the 'unknown'.

I KNOW this to be true, but I have to constantly remind myself:

As long as I allow my Heavenly Father to guide me.....and as long as I have the faith and am in tune enough to recognize that guidance.....I can do anything! When the time is right, those blessings that I seek will be granted and those things that I struggle with will become easier. I HAVE to let go of the fear that has been holding me back for so long and allow myself to do the things that I need to do. I know that my Savior loves me and that he knows my personal struggles. I KNOW that I am a Child of God and that he loves me and knows what's best for me......and I have to hold onto that.

Come What May, and Love It

I've been reading in the November 2008 Ensign again this morning.....really enjoying remembering and re-reading the talks and addresses from the October 2008 General Conference. So many of them seem to be what I really need to hear again right now.

In my reading this morning, I read the talk "Come What May, and Love It" by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin. Here is a link to that talk so that you can enjoy it yourself:

http://lds.org/liahona/2008/11/come-what-may-and-love-it?lang=eng

Again, more really great 'advice' for me to take into consideration and apply to my daily life. One of my favorite quotes in that talk was something that Elder Wirthlin typed up on a small card and gave to one of his daughters who was suffering from an illness at the time:

"The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him."

Such simple and true words for me and each of us to apply to our lives on a daily basis. So simple and true....yet so hard to do at times. I'm working to get better at it every day.....

Blessings & Amazing Friends

To be completely honest, the last 1.5 weeks haven't been our greatest......especially for my sweet hubby. I hate to see Matt struggling so much and worrying....and allowing things to make him question his own worth at times. It's not very often that Matt gets down....he's generally a very happy, upbeat guy, which is one of the things that I love most about him. So when he does have a day or 2 when things get him down.....it's really tough for me to sit by and watch him struggle.




Monday night was one of those nights. Matt seemed to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and suddenly something snapped. He sometimes has a habit of carrying the things that are bothering him around for a while and bottling them up until he's ready to talk about them. I'm someone who likes to talk things out pretty quickly, so I've had to learn over the years how to sometimes take a step back and allow Matt to process things and deal with them in his own way. When he's ready to talk, he'll usually come to me with it and we'll then talk it out and figure it out together. However, it's still hard for me to take that step back sometimes.



Anyway, something finally snapped on Monday night and the dam finally broke.....everything that he's been carrying around and worrying about for the last week (or longer) finally came pouring out and he finally was able to release a lot of the bottled up anger, frustration, and, to a certain extent, hurt, over some things that he's been dealing with lately in other aspects of our lives......things that I still can't go into detail over, but not necessarily having anything to do with me or the relationship that we have together. Just other things in life that he is dealing with on a daily basis. I spent a good portion of the night just sitting with him and allowing him to vent and release a myriad of emotions......for the most part saying nothing except trying to help him feel better. Finally, we rested for a few hours and he went to work like normal yesterday.



Matt works harder than anyone I know (except my Dad) and he's an amazing person. He has formed many friendships with contractors and others that he deals with at work on a daily basis....and he greatly values those friendships and relationships. He tries very hard to deal with customers and contractors in a fair and honest manner and make them feel comfortable to be around him.



One of those contractors with whom he has formed a great friendship came into the store yesterday and saw Matt. Apparently, he could tell that something was still bothering Matt so he took him aside and talked with him for a few minutes. Ryan is also a member of our church and is a worthy Priesthood holder. He felt that it was appropriate and asked Matt if he would like him to come over after work and give Matt a blessing. Matt, not being one to normally ask for one himself, told Ryan he would think about it and let him know. Ryan then sent him a text after they both were home and asked him again if he would like him to come over later and give Matt a blessing. Matt and I talked about it and agreed that it certainly wouldn't hurt anything to allow Ryan to do so.....and probably would even be a good idea.



Ryan came over about 7:30 last night and ended up spending a good 1.5 hours just sitting with us and talking with us about a lot of things.....as a true friend would do. As previously mentioned, Matt and Ryan have become really great friends over the years in working together and Ryan has become someone that Matt trusts and feels comfortable enough to talk to about personal matters at times......especially since it seems that Ryan and his wife have quite a bit in common with Matt and I....including having had their own issues with infertility, etc., over the years as well.



The 3 of us prayed together and invited the Spirit to be with us and Ryan then proceeded to give Matt a really great blessing of comfort. Afterwards, Matt and Ryan both gave me a blessing of comfort as well. Tears were shed and the Spirit was definitely in the room. Last night ended up being one of the most enjoyable evenings I've had in a while.....thanks to Ryan listening to the promptings of the Spirit and heading those promptings.



I am so grateful for the power of the Gospel in my life.....and for the Priesthood. I'm constantly reminded of so many great blessings that I have in my life, in spite of the challenges and trials that we also face on a daily basis. I have such a testimony of the Gospel, even though I sometimes forget and I can be stubborn and I don't always do all of the things that I know I should be doing. As Ryan left our house last night, I had a new resolve to try harder to do those things that I've been slacking off on and to try harder to do those things that will invite the Spirit to be a more prominent part of my daily life. I truly do need guidance and inspiration from the Spirit and from my Savior, probably greater at this point in my life than ever before, with so many life changing decisions to be made and so many personal struggles that Matt and I both continue to deal with. There were particular words spoken in both of our blessings last night that really stood out to me and gave me a reassurance that I need to hang in there and be strong.....that the Lord is mindful of the things that Matt and I are trying to do and the righteous desires of our hearts. If we will be strong and stay close to the Spirit those desires will begin to unfold in their own due time.



I'm so grateful for the power of true friends in our lives who are always there when we most need them. Whether it be with a kind word, a smile, a hug.....or coming to pick Matt up to take him golfing for the day because he needs something to cheer him up and take his mind off things for a while......or listening to a prompting and offering a listening ear and a blessing of comfort to Matt when it's obvious that he's struggling a bit. Thank you. It truly warms our hearts to have so many close and wonderful friends and family to share the ups and downs of our lives with. Again, thank you! We love you all! :)




I took some time to read a little in the Ensign this morning when I woke up......an older Ensign from November of 2008. This particular one is filled with the Conference addresses and talks from the previous month's Conference sessions. I ended up reading the talk that was given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf......an absolutely amazing man and one of my very favorite General Authorities.......entitled: "The Infinite Power of Hope".

"Hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges."

I felt that it was appropriate and quite fitting for the moment and thought I would share the talk. If you're interested in reading it, click on the link below:

http://lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/the-infinite-power-of-hope?lang=eng

It really hit home for me right now. :)

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father. The Savior has sacrificed so much for me and now it's my turn to be strong and do whatever it takes to live my life the best way possible and return to live with Him someday. I know that my Redeemer lives and loves me and that I am truly a Child of God. If I can only continue to remember that in the most challenging of times and remember to stay close to the Spirit, I can get through these challenging times and can be an even better and stronger person in the end.

Spiritual Guidance

"Impressions of the Spirit can come in response to urgent prayer or unsolicited when needed. Sometimes the Lord reveals truth to you when you are not actively seeking it, such as when you are in danger and do not know it. However, the Lord will not force you to learn. You must exercise your agency to authorize the Spirit to teach you. As you make this a practice in your life, you will be more perceptive to the feelings that come with spiritual guidance. Then, when that guidance comes, sometimes when you least expect it, you will recognize it more easily."


--Richard G. Scott, "To Acquire Spiritual Guidance", Ensign, Nov 2009, 6–9

Finding Strength

"When the winds blow and the rains pour, they blow and pour on all. Those who have built their foundations on bedrock rather than sand survive the storms. There is a way to build on bedrock by developing a deep personal conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ and knowing how to receive inspiration. We must know—and know that we know. We must stand spiritually and temporally independent of all worldly creatures. This begins by understanding that God the Father is the Father of our spirits and that He loves us, that Jesus Christ is our Redeemer and Savior, and that the Holy Ghost can communicate with our minds and our hearts. This is how we receive inspiration. We need to learn how to recognize and apply these promptings."

--Allan F. Packer, "Finding Strength in Challenging Times", Ensign, May 2009, 17–19

I know that this is something that I struggle with on a personal level quite often. I struggle with knowing that what I might be feeling and 'hearing' in my heart might actually be inspiration from my Savior.....or whether it is simply a product of my own needs and wants at the time. As I continue to struggle and grow in my own personal relationship with my Heavenly Father, I do come to realize more and more that He watches over me and He does guide me in my daily life. I have felt the hand of my Savior in my life on numerous occasions. I continually strive to listen and be open and receptive enough to the Spirit to be able to know and recognize when I am receiving those spiritual promptings and inspiration that the Lord would have me recognize and learn from. I hope and pray that, with time and practice, I can continue to grow and learn to be more receptive and open.....and to draw closer to my Beloved Heavenly Father through the experiences that I might yet have in the future.

Salt Lake City Temple - Vistor's Center.....Christus Statue

Friday, November 6, 2009 - We spent some time taking Xavier to see Downtown Salt Lake City and Temple Square. Unfortunately, we didn't get down there until it was getting darker and later, so this is the only picture I got of us. However, I really like this picture of the 4 of us A LOT!

Xavier was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (a.k.a. the Mormon Church) when he came to visit us. Tammy had been doing a lot of missionary work with him over the internet throughout the course of their correspondence. Xavier had seemed to be very open and receptive in their conversations, and had many questions and a certain thirst for knowledge while he was here, so that's why we took him downtown to see Temple Square. While at the Visitor's Center, we walked upstairs to see the Christus Statue......which is where this picture was taken. I LOVE this statue! It brings tears to my eyes when I see it.

We spoke with a couple of sister missionaries while there and they played the recorded presentation for us in both English and in French, specifically for Xavier so that he could get the full message. While Xavier never seemed to say much........he did seemed to be touched by the Spirit quite often. It was a really great experience for Matt and I to be able to be a small part of helping him to learn and recognize what it was that he was feeling during those times.

Thank you for being so open and receptive, Xavier, and for allowing us to share with you one our greatest joys in life! You are a very special man and I know I told you before, but I believe that Heavenly Father has prepared you for this time in your life. I don't believe that you 'meeting' Tammy the way you did, etc, was an 'accident'. I felt something very special in you almost from the time that I met you. You have a very strong Spirit and I hope you will always remain strong and close to your Heavenly Father!

And, Tammy.........I'm so proud of you! You've grown up into an incredible young woman! It wasn't easy, but I'm so very grateful that you were close enough to the Spirit to feel the promptings and to be strong enough to heed those promptings as you continued your relationship with Xavier. You are an inspiration to me and I'm proud to call you my little sister!

As long as you both remain strong in your testimonies and stay close to your Beloved Heavenly Father, you will do well and learn and grow continually in your life! I sure do love you both and I'm so proud of both of you! Stay strong!!

(P.S. - If you're reading this and haven't already guessed it.......Xavier ended up getting baptized and joined the church on Saturday, November 28, 2009, in South Carolina. After he reaches his year mark this year......he and Tammy plan to be married in the Temple.)

Oquirrh (pronounced O-ker) Mountain Temple Dedication

This summer, Matt and I had the opportunity to participate in the opening of the new Oquirrh Mountain Temple in South Jordan, Utah. We were able to volunteer and help out in various capacities as the Open House began in May and ran through August. Since this new Temple will now be the Temple that we will be attending, and we don't know when/if we will ever have this opportunity again, we took advantage of this great opportunity and volunteered for every day that was asked of our Ward to serve. We don't have children to have to juggle and find sitters for and we have no other excuses to keep us from doing so, so we took the opportunity to serve.....and enjoyed every minute of it!!

The Temple Dedication began on Friday, August 21 and ran through Sunday, August 23. Matt and I had the privilege of getting tickets to attend the Dedication on Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 12:00 noon. What a privilege it was to sit in this marvelous and sacred building, just down the hall from our beloved Prophet Thomas S. Monson, as he dedicated the Temple to our Lord. It was an amazing experience.......one that I will never forget. As we all lifted our white handkerchiefs in singing Hosannah's...........I truly felt the Spirit very strong!!

Since this summer, I have truly grown to love this Temple and have felt a personal relationship with it. I am excited to be able to take my future family there someday to be sealed to Matt and I! I feel extremely blessed to now have 13 functioning Temples right here within the Salt Lake Valley.......what an incredible blessing! I only hope that I can always remember to take advantage of this blessing and attend as often as possible......

The Best Christmas

"Giving, not getting, brings to full bloom the Christmas spirit. Enemies are forgiven, friends remembered, and God obeyed. The spirit of Christmas illuminates the picture window of the soul, and we look out upon the world’s busy life and become more interested in people than things. To catch the real meaning of the “spirit of Christmas,” we need only drop the last syllable, and it becomes the “Spirit of Christ."

--Thomas S. Monson, "The Best Christmas Ever", Liahona, Dec 2008, 2–6

Probably my best Christmas that I will always remember is one a few years ago when I was still living with my parents in South Carolina, shortly before I moved to Utah. My best friend, Christy, and I were very active and involved with the missionaries at the time. Christy is a convert to the Church and had joined the church a couple of years before this particular Christmas. She had...and still has....a very special love for the missionaries. Together, we quickly became great friends with a great many of the missionaries in the Columbia, South Carolina Mission who were serving at the time......many of whom we still remain in contact with today, long after they have all returned home. We became very close with the Mission President and is wife as well, President and Sister Maxfield. That year, Christy and I knew that there were quite a few missionaries serving in the area we lived in who were out in the Mission Field for the first time that Christmas and were feeling a little homesick being so far away from home. We ended up doing the 12 Days of Christmas for about 8 or 9 different companionships that year......and had the time of our lives! Most of the missionaries quickly figured out that it was Christy and I who were leaving little 'surprises' on their doorsteps every day for 12 days before Christmas......but it sure helped to ease some of the loneliness and homesickness that so many of them were feeling at that particular time of year. More importantly, that was one of the greatest Christmases for me........one that I will never forget as I will always remember the smiles on their faces and the laughter that we shared that Christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! WE LOVE YOU!!

The Best We Can Be

"The Lord doesn’t expect us to work harder than we are able. He doesn’t (nor should we) compare our efforts to those of others. Our Heavenly Father asks only that we do the best we can—that we work according to our full capacity, however great or small that may be."

"It is often in the trial of adversity that we learn those most critical lessons that form our character and shape our destiny."

--Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Two Principles for Any Economy", Ensign, Nov 2009, 55–58

The Lenz Family Sealing

Once again, I'm behind in posting. :) This summer has been a little crazy busy. So I'm going to attempt to get updated in the next couple days. Here has been what's been going on with us in the last month and 1/2 or so........On July 11, 2009 my dear friend, Salina, was able to go to the Mount Timpanogos Temple with her family and have them all sealed together for eternity. Without getting too personal, let's just say that it was a great miracle to see the 2 older kids, Donovan and Nickelle, be able to join Salina, Andrew, and little Clarissa in the sealing room that day. Salina was married before and was having trouble getting the 'Ex' to consent to letting her have Donovan and Nickelle be sealed to them. Up until about the day before the sealing was to happen, she was heartbroken in thinking that she was just going to have to accept that the 2 older ones were not going to be able to join them. She and I had talked on more than one occasion about her frustrations and concerns with it, but then things got crazy busy and I didn't get a chance to talk to her again for a few days before the sealing.

As Matt and I sat in the Sealing Room and were able to be a part of this marvelous Event, I listened to the Sealer as he spoke to Salina and Andrew and somewhat reflected on how mine and Salina's friendship has grown. I was sitting pretty much next to where the Sealer was standing as he was speaking to Salina and Andrew, and I could see his clipboard with their information on it. It suddenly dawned on my that there were 3 children's names on that clipboard.....all 3 of Salina's children.....and I began to feel my heart beat faster. I started to get really excited for Salina, and was hoping that it meant what I thought it meant.

As the door opened and Donovan and Nickelle walked into the room, carrying little Clarissa....all 3 dressed in white....the dam of tears completely broke!! It didn't help that Salina was within eyeshot of me and looked directly at me as the 3 kids came in......and we both just started crying harder than we already were at that point. I knew as I watched that family receive the blessings of being sealed together for time AND eternity that the Lord was definitely mindful of Salina and all that she had been through to get there. He was obviously watching out for her and helped to soften her 'Ex's' heart so that it was possible that such a miracle should take place. I DEFINITELY witnessed a small miracle that day!!

Thanks so much for being my friend, Salina-girl, and for allowing me to share in such a special day with you! I love you and I'm so proud of you!

Oquirrh (pronounced 'o-ker') Mountain Temple

At the beginning of July, as I was getting ready to attend the Jordan River Temple with my good friend Salina as she went through for the first time, I suddenly realized that it was time to get my temple recommend renewed! Good thing I checked! I was able to go that next week and meet with the Bishop and, while I was in the interview with him, I expressed an interest to him in working in the new Oquirrh Mountain Temple. I told him that I had really enjoyed volunteering for the Open House.

I have felt for years that it would be really enjoyable to be able to work in the Temple....any one of them....but have never felt that I was quite in a position to be able to do so. Now I work at home and my schedule is, for the most part, pretty flexible. I also still have no children to juggle, either, so that makes it easier as well. I figured that if I'm going to do it, this would be the prime time for me to do so. The Bishop said he would submit my name and then we'd see.............

Well, I got a call last week from someone at the Temple and an appointment was set up for last night to meet with President Layton, the Temple President. I met with him last night and have now been called to serve as an Ordinance Worker in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple on Fridays, from 11:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. I will have training from 12:00 noon - 2:00 p.m. this coming Sunday in the Oquirrh Temple, and then another training from 12:00 noon - 2:00 p.m. the next Sunday at the Jordan River Temple. I will begin my first shift on Friday, August 28, the week after the Dedication and the Temple is officially open!

President Layton told me that I will probably be at different stations throughout the Temple during my shifts. He asked me during our meeting if I spoke any other languages. I told him that I don't really, but that I did live in Germany for almost 7 years. He then asked me if I thought I would be able to help someone in German if they gave me a card with the words to say. I told him I thought I probably could, so he marked that on his paperwork. I think that would be so neat to learn in German!! I have regretted for years not learning German while I lived in the country........

Anyway, I'm SO EXCITED!! The Jordan River Temple has always had a special significance to Matt and I because of Matt's family....and we were married there. However, as I have served in various positions in the Open House for the Oquirrh Mountain Temple, I have gained a new feeling of significance for this Temple. I feel that this Temple is MY Temple. This is the Temple in which my children will most likely some day all be sealed to Matt and I for eternity. I feel that this is the Temple that Matt and I will grow with over the years as we watch our family grow and the world around us change. I have grown to love this Temple already. I have truly appreciated having the opportunity to watch as it was being built, to be able to participate in the Open House, to be able to actually be in the Temple to attend the Temple Dedication in a couple weeks, and now to work in the Temple every week.

I'm really looking forward to this opportunity to serve in the House of the Lord!!

Thought for the Day - Love For God

"When we love the Lord, obedience ceases to be a burden. Obedience becomes a delight. When we love the Lord, we seek less for things that benefit us and turn our hearts toward things that will bless and uplift others."

-- Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin,"The Great Commandment"

If you're interested in reading the talk in it's entirety, click on the link below:

http//www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,49-1-775-10,00.html

Thought for the Day - Choices

"Tomorrow’s blessings and opportunities depend on the choices we make today."

-- President James E Faust,"Choices"

This talk was written and given to the men, but I think we can apply this to all of our lives. I really enjoyed reading it and reminding myself to make good, positive choices everyday.

If you're interested in reading the entire talk that this quote came from, click on the link below:

http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/2004.htm/ensign%20may%202004.htm/choices.htm

Congratulations, Salina!

Last night I had the privilege of attending the Jordan River Temple to do a session and be there to share in the experience as my good friend, Salina, went through and received those sacred blessings for the first time for herself. I was very touched to see her and Andrew together in the Temple for the first time, and couldn't help notice the special spirit and the difference it's already making in their lives. I know that it's been a long, hard road at times to get there, and I'm really proud of Salina! I look forward to being there next week at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple to celebrate as she and Andrew are sealed together with their family for time and all eternity! I love you Salina, and I'm blessed to have you in my life! :)

Another New Calling

I told Matt the other day that I feel like I've been in the Bishop's Office at church more in the past 2 months or so than ever before. :)

I guess it was about 1.5-2.0 weeks ago that I got a call from Brother Pendleton (the Executive Secretary, I guess?) in our Ward.....asking me to come in and meet with the Bishop again the next Sunday (a week ago). I told him I that would and when I hung up the phone, I turned to Matt and said....."I'm getting another calling." I automatically knew it was coming.

Over the next few days, I found myself thinking and speculating periodically about what I was about to be called to. Honestly, I thought at first that I was getting called back to the Enrichment Committee because 3 different people had come to me at different times and told me that I was being considered for coming back. I was o.k. with that, even a little excited, because I had really enjoyed serving with those ladies on the Committee when I was the R.S. Counselor over the Committee. I was even more excited that I would be able to go and participate/help out, but didn't have to be in charge of it this time. :)

Anyway, as the days wore on and it got closer to Sunday, I pretty much had figured that that was it. HOWEVER, all of a sudden on Saturday, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks that the younger nursery was being split and they were looking to call Nursery Leaders. I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN! Suddenly, I felt fear grip my stomach and my initial reaction was....NO! NO! NO! NO! I don't want to get 'stuck' in nursery again!! I can't do it! I WON'T do it! I felt sick just thinking about it....

I have to back up at this point and tell you, for those of you who don't already know, that I have served in the Nursery before. In our previous Ward, before we got split and put back into the 4th Ward, Matt and I were in Nursery for about a year and then were teachers in Primary for about a year or so before the Ward split. I have to be honest and tell you that that was REALLY hard for us during that time! We were beginning the adoption process, feeling a little 'lost', and basically just struggling at that point. We were hurting and frustrated and a little MAD that we were having so much trouble getting our own family started and basically felt like we were going to church to 'babysit' everyone else's children and were getting nothing out of church ourselves. Don't get me wrong, we loved and adored our children that we were working with, but it was still very difficult for us. Then, as the Wards were split and everything was realigned again for about the trillionth time........I was ECSTATIC to get called to the Relief Society Presidency, where I've always felt more comfortable. It was just what the 'doctor ordered' at that time in my life.....

So as I contemplated all of this in preparation for my new calling that I KNEW I was about to get, I was scared to death that I was about to get called into Nursery again. I had pretty much talked myself into saying 'no'....that it was just too hard for me right now. (I know, I know. What a selfish brat I was being! What a horrible thought to have! blah, blah, blah)

After church last Sunday, June 7, I met with Brother Stringam. My heart was pounding and I felt sick to my stomach! As we began talking, I suddenly KNEW that I was getting called to Nursery again. As Zac and I talked about the new calling, he expressed to me that he felt that I would be great at it and that I have a 'natural mother instinct' and am great with kids. I almost laughed in his face! Many of you have heard me say, on more than 1 occasion, that I sometimes wonder if I got passed over for the 'Mommy gene' when Heavenly Father was 'giving them out' in Heaven. Maybe that's why I haven't been blessed with children yet!

However, as we talked further my attitude began to change and I felt myself looking at things in a different light. I did express my concerns to Zac about needing to still be able to go to R. S. once in awhile because I really need that spiritual upliftment and the interaction with the other sisters in the Ward.......at least once in awhile. He explained that they were calling 3 other sisters to serve with me so that we could hopefully switch off once in awhile so that we could all still get that 'break' and spiritual upliftment that we might need at times. He told me who else was being called with me, and I was very excited! I love the ladies that I will be serving with, and it will be a pleasure to serve with them. I began to see things in a different light.............

Throughout the last week, I thought a lot about my new calling and have become more excited for it and less 'dreadful' about it. I've noticed my attitude changing for the better, and by Sunday I was actually looking forward to starting something new again. By the end of church yesterday, I was feeling happy about my new calling and having the opportunity to serve with the ladies I'll be serving with. I think we'll have lots of fun together, and hopefully we can do some good for the children we will be serving. We've got the new little ones who are just trying to transition into being in Nursery.....which can be a bit of a hard transition for both the parents and the kids at times. I totally understand the separation anxiety that some may experience (both parents and kids) and will do my best to love the children and help them to feel comfortable to be in Nursery.
I do have a request, though, for parents of children who may be in our Nursery......or for parents elsewhere who have Nursery aged children. Please, PLEASE allow us to love your children and help them to feel more comfortable to be there. It makes our jobs 10 TIMES HARDER when you keep coming in and out of the room. We will do our best and if your child is having a particularly rough day......we'll come find you. I have found, from experience, that most children will begin to settle down and feel more comfortable.....it's MUCH LESS traumatizing.....when the parents drop the children off and go to class, even if they are upset and crying. Every time the door opens and closes, the children get upset all over again.....and when one starts, they all start!

I really hope no one is offended by any of the things I've said here. I do realize that my attitude towards Primary has been a bit 'bratty' and selfish in the past........but I can feel that changing in me now. I am gaining a new perspective, and I hope that I can grow and learn as I serve your children. Maybe this is just another step in preparing me for motherhood someday, I don't know. It's interesting to me that Primary has been a very real, very hard struggle for me in the past.......but yet my Patriarchal Blessing speaks quite specifically repeadtedly about me serving and loving our Heavenly Father's children. I've never quite understood that, since serving the children has seemed to SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF ME in the past........hhhhmmmmm.....Again, I often wonder what Heavenly Father has in store for me.........

Oh yeah! I'm also still serving as the Nursery Song Leader, too. I will slip out of our Nursery for about a half hour to go sing with the other 2 nurseries........and then will come back to ours and do singing time with ours as well. We'll see how that works. It if becomes too traumatizing for our children to have me going in and out, we may have to think of another alternative. But for now, I'll be doing both.

Changes

Well.........I've been waiting a few weeks to post this until all of the changes, etc, were officially made. So here goes...............

I've had some rather large personal changes happening in my life over the last 3 weeks or so, which have caused a lot of thought, prayer, thought, tears........some more thought.........excitement.......confusion........a lot of mixed emotions..........and still some more thought.........you get the idea. LOL I've had quite a bit on my mind about the future and what's coming for Matt and I. But first, let me back up and tell you what prompted all of this. :)

About a month ago, one of the counselors in the Bishopric in our Ward called me and asked me to speak that Sunday. Of course I wasn't overly excited about it, but I told him I would do it. Contrary to what some of those who know me best might think.........I do tend to be somewhat outspoken and fairly outgoing.........but I HATE speaking in front of people! :) Luckily, the topic I was given is one that I am all too familiar with and is very close to my heart: "Following the Promptings of the Spirit". It was a pretty easy topic for me to speak on. Throughout the next few days, I began to think about that topic and what I wanted/needed to speak about.

Sunday, April 26 came and I gave my talk............several of those who heard it said they enjoyed it (thank you!).

As Sacrament ended and I was gathering up my things to head to Sunday School, our Ward Executive Secretary caught me and asked if I could meet with the Bishop that afternoon after church. I told him I could and the appointment was set. Of course, the rest of the 3 hours that I had to wait was agony as I guessed and pondered on what he could want to see me for. I think I knew......no felt..............that I was going to be released from my calling as the 2nd Counselor in the Relief Society Presidency. I then began to wonder and ponder on what I was about to be called to..............since I knew that there were a bunch of changes happening within the Ward. I just didn't know quite how many and who all it would affect.

Church ended, I went home with Matt to grab some lunch really quick, and had a quick visit with our Home Teachers. I then headed back over to the church at 1:45 to meet with the Bishop.........still wondering and pondering on what changes were about to happen.

As I walked into the Bishop's office and sat down across from the desk from him, my heart was pounding and I was a little nervous. I love our Bishop. He's such a great guy! Matt and I have actually known he and his wife since we got married, as we were in the same Ward when we were in our apartment in Midvale at the time...........before they even had their 2 children. Then, as we moved out of that Ward and began our search for a house............we were excited our first Sunday in our new Ward after we moved into our house when we walked into Sunday School and saw Nate and Melanie waving and smiling at us from across the room! It's always nice and a little comforting when you already have friends to greet you when you move to a new place! Since then, we've grown to love Nate and Melanie as we've gotten to know them even better.

Anyway, as Bishop Hansen and I began talking it was a bit of an emotional 'talk' for me. He told me that he had felt prompted the last few weeks that I needed to be released from my calling in the Relief Society Presidency and put into something that would 'require less of my time'. As he continued talking and sharing with me his thoughts/feelings he had been having about making this change, my first initial thought was............"Is he crazy? What in the WORLD is he TALKING about?" (And, yes, during the course of our talk I did share that with him, too. LOL) Following pretty closely after that thought, though, another thought came into my head.........."Something's coming. You need to be prepared and you need that extra time." And then all of the clouds of doubt started. :) I then began to think........"Do I suck? And that's why he's releasing me? I didn't do a good enough job?" I began to think about all of the things I COULD have done better.........and ways that I can be a better person. But that thought that "something's coming" still lingered.........which is a little scary, exciting, and also really confusing!

I have a horrible problem of doubting myself and, so often, when I get thoughts or feelings in my head I will doubt where they are coming from and whether it's just my subconsciousness dreaming things up because that particular subject, etc, has been on my mind so much at that particular time. (I hope that makes sense to those reading this. It make sense in my head! LOL) It's something that I'm constantly working on, but I still have a big problem with it! (hhhmmmm.............maybe that's why I needed to give that talk that Sunday?)

Anyway, as the conversation with the Bishop progressed and the tears were flowing, he suddenly looked at me at one point with this sweet, humble look on his face.............and proceeded to voice the same thought that had popped into my head as he was sharing his feelings about releasing me: "Maybe something's coming and you need that extra time to prepare for it and be ready when it comes." Of course, then the tears started flowing even more freely as I proceeded to tell him that I had that same thought while he was talking earlier!

Our sweet Bishop asked me if I was okay with being release from the Relief Society and his concern for my happiness and well-being was very evident as we spoke. I explained that I had mixed emotions about being released. Being in the R.S. Presidency is sometimes a very hard calling to fill..........but it is also very rewarding. The call to serve in the R.S. Presidency came at a time when I most needed it, and I have loved serving and getting to know the beautiful ladies in our Ward on a much more personal level. I love them and I want to continue to serve with them and get to know them all. Each has a unique personality and unique talents to share with others.

The Bishop expressed to me that he had no doubt that I will "bloom where I am planted", and I told him that I will certainly do my best. He then proceeded to call me to be the new Nursery Song Leader............which I SO didn't see coming! It think it will be a new 'adventure' for me and maybe it will help me to grow and learn in a totally different aspect. The Bishop expressed that maybe this is another way for the Lord to prepare me to be a Mom when that time comes. Maybe it is.

Over the next few weeks I still 'pretended' to be in the R.S. Presidency, but also started learning the ropes of being the new Nursery Song Leader, too, while the Bishop called everyone in and got all of the new changes made. I was officially released from the R.S. Presidency last Sunday, May 10...........and was officially called as the Nursery Song Leader yesterday.

The other counselor, Dani, was also released from the R.S. Presidency last week as well and 2 new counselors were called. I'm really excited for Alicia and Beth, and I think they are going to do a really great job!

I have certainly come to realize over the last 11 years in particular that my Heavenly Father certainly does know me and knows what's best for me. I am somewhat of a stubborn person, and I have tried in the past to plan my life out the way I think it should go. But I've come to realize over the years that nothing ever works out that way for me............and I've actually become grateful for it, too. I look at the course my life was on.....the course that I wanted it to be on..........and I look at the course it actually took. I have been blessed beyond measure for all of the times that I finally gave up trying to do it 'my way' and finally put it in the Lord's hands and let Him do it His way.

The last few weeks have been a time of great reflection for me. As I look back over each of the major events that have happened in my life over the course of the last 11 years.......there's no way that I could ever deny that my Heavenly Father hasn't been watching out for me and guiding me in my life!!

I think about where I was 11 years ago.......living the Gospel and trying to do what's right.........but feeling a little lost and not quite sure where I needed to be and what I needed to be doing with my life. I began to pray about going on a mission.....but instead got the most distinct impression that I needed to move to Utah. So I began to make preparations and a few months later packed up my car and drove out to Salt Lake City............and I've been here ever since. I've never regretted that decision. It's been tough at times, but I've learned and grown so much! Maybe even more so..........or maybe just in a very different and more personal way for me........than if I had gone on a mission.

About a year after I moved to SLC, I began to pray and make preparations to go through the Temple for the first time. Those few months were some of the most trying times of my life, but it was through those trials that I truly gained my testimony and received my own, very real 'conversion'. I remember driving to the Atlanta Temple with my family after having been through a pretty intense few months of questioning everything I had believed in and coming out a better person for it in the end............and surviving and walking away from an awful car accident on my way home to be with my family to go through the Temple..............and then finally reaching the Temple, entering those gates, and entering the doors of that sacred building. I remember my Dad telling me as we drove through the gates of the Temple........"Well, you finally made it." Yes, I did! I was so happy and proud of myself for enduring my own personal 'hell' and yet remaining strong enough to be there that day. Taking on those covenants that day had more meaning to me than ever before! I will never forget that experience. It still touches my heart and the tears currently flow as I remember it all.

A few years later, I met and began dating Matt. We went through the struggles of dealing with the death of his Dad and the feelings of loss and anger he experienced, the normal struggles that any LDS couple struggle with in trying to decided if they should get married, then trying to prepare to be sealed in the Temple after that decision has been made. The weekend that we were supposed to have our engagement pictures taken, I left early from my apartment (which would later be ours after we got married) that Friday morning to go to work and woke up later that afternoon in the Emergency Room at LDS Hospital. I found out that I had apparently been in another horrible accident (that I don't remember), in which my car was totalled and I had been airlifted to LDS Hospital.........but I only walked away with a few stitches in my head and some bad bruises and bumps. One week later, the very next Friday after recovering from my own accident, I was at my in-laws and we got the call that Matt had been a terrible accident and was being taken by ambulance to St. Mark's Hospital. I remember dropping everything and rushing to the Hospital with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law to spend that night at the hospital with Matt, worrying that he was okay. He was also blessed to only walk away with a lot of bad bruises and bumps......and a totalled car. I remember the feelings that I had again, a few months later, as I finally knelt across the altar from Matt and we were sealed for time and eternity in the Jordan River Temple. I remember distinctly feeling and hearing the gentle whisperings, "You are in the right place, at the right time, with the right man." I felt so much peace and happiness that day.............and still continue to feel it with Matt everyday as we struggle together through life's many challenges. There isn't a doubt in my mind that I married the right man for me!!

Now, a few years later, we are still struggling to start our family. I've decided and come to the conclusion that I'm pretty sure Satan isn't going to try to kill me this time, as he has so often in the past.............he's just going to make it very difficult for us! :) As Matt and I try to hang in there and remain positive, we can still feel the hand of the Lord in our lives and we are so grateful to have each other and all that we have!

As the changes in my calling have happened over the last few weeks, I continue to reflect over all of these things and wonder what this 'something's coming' is............and how long I'm going to have to wait for it. Some days are harder than others to be patient, but I do know from very personal past experience that if I wait and let things happen in the Lord's time, we will be so blessed for it! Again, I look to the Lord for those promptings and the inspiration to guide me to where I need to be and to help me figure out what I need to be doing right now in my life.....and what I need to be preparing for.

I have such a testimony of this Gospel, and I'm grateful for all that I've been so abundantly blessed with over the years! I know that my Heavenly Father is very real and loves me very much! I know that he knows me on a very personal level and knows what's best for me. I may get frustrated and inpatient at times, but I'm going to do my best to leave it in His hands and let His will be.....

BYU 2009 LDS Women's Conference - Training

About a month ago my super cute friend, Heather, called me and asked me if I wanted to help out with the 2009 LDS Women's Conference down at BYU on April 30 and May 1. I jumped at the chance, since I've heard about it before in the past and had always thought it sounded interesting. She and her Mom got me all signed up with them and a couple of their friends/relatives, and we went down on Saturday for a training session on what we will be doing those 2 days.

I'm pretty excited to be able to serve! I will have the opportunity to attend everything that takes place all day on Thursday, including the concert that night, for free. Then on all day on Friday Heather, her Mom, me, and the rest of our group will serve with the Hospitality Committee in keeping the Conference running smoothly........such as directing the hundreds of ladies who come to where they need to be, answering questions, etc.

Sister Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President, will be speaking in the Friday Morning General Session, and Elder L. Tom Perry, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, will be speaking in the Friday Afternoon Closing General Session.

It should be a very uplifting, enjoyable 2 days!

Cleaning Jordan River Temple

Last night Matt and I had the opportunity to go help clean the Jordan River Temple after hours. We got there a little before 11:00 p.m., presented our recommends at the front desk, and signed in. We were then directed downstairs to the Baptistry, where we were given white clothes to change into and then went to sit in the Chapel to wait for further directions. A man came in about 15 minutes later and spoke with us for a minute to instruct us on what we would be doing. He then split us all up and each of us went with a different Temple Worker to a different part of the Temple to clean as instructed.

Matt and I were both assigned to go with a woman to clean the 2nd Floor. I was pretty excited when I realized that we would be cleaning the Sealing Rooms. For the next hour, Matt and I vacuumed all of the Sealing Rooms and the Offices. We quickly realized that it's a much bigger job than we had ever previously realized before. We both vacuumed the Chapel, and then Matt vacuumed all of the Sealing Rooms and Offices on one hall and I vacuumed all of the ones on the other hall. Matt finished vacuuming a few minutes before I did, so he then got to clean the elevators as well. The time flew by and we finished with everything about 12:30 a.m. We were pretty tired when we were done!

Something interesting that Matt and I learned last night, too.......One of the Sealing Rooms had some scaffolding up underneath the chandelier in the room and all of the crystals had been removed and were in a box below it. When we asked the Temple Worker about it, she said that each of the crystals in each of the chandeliers in the Temple are removed and washed by hand. WOW! What a job! That would take some work...........

It was a pretty cool experience to be there after hours......even quieter than it usually is......and to be helping to clean such sacred rooms. It brought back memories from when Matt and I were sealed there for time and eternity over 6 years ago. I also thought a bit about Matt's Dad, Wayne, who I never actually got to meet.........but I've heard so much about. He was the Temple Recorder of the Jordan River Temple when he died a little over 7 years ago and he loved that Temple so much! It has a great significance to our family and is very special to us.

Last night was a great experience. We enjoyed having the opportunity to serve in such a capacity.

Draper Temple Open House

Matt and I were able to go to the Draper Temple Open House yesterday, which was VERY enjoyable. We got tickets online about a month ago for the 2 of us, plus my sister and her husband and their 4 children. We were disappointed that Jeremy wasn't able to be with us because of being out of town for work..........but it was really fun to take the kids through the Temple for the first time.

Tylor is 9, Chayton is 7, Jorden is 4, and Kayla is 1. Tylor and Chayton are both old enough to more fully understand the importance of the Temple and what we go to the Temple for. Pauline had had some good talks with them in preparation for what we were about to go see, and they were both pretty excited to go! I went over to her house early to help her get the kids ready to go and it really touched my heart to see those 2 older boys taking the Temple so seriously.

When I got there, Tylor was outside skating on his roller blades so I called him inside to start getting dressed and ready to go. (Pauline was busy trying to get Kayla and herself ready.) Tyler came inside, took off his roller blades, and went upstairs to start getting dressed. He put on a white shirt (which he tucked in), dress pants, and his dress shoes. Chayton was playing video games and we turned those off when I got there. He then got himself dressed in dress pants, a colored shirt, and his dress shoes. Jorden was already dressed to go.......I just helped him put on his shoes.

The reason I'm telling you all of this is so that I can tell you the next part..........which is what really touched my heart.

As I was upstairs trying to help Pauline get Kayla ready to go.........Chayton came to the doorway of Kayla's room and asked Pauline if any of his white shirts fit him anymore. (Those kids grow like weeds!) Pauline was distracted and busy and wasn't quite catching the meaning of what Chayton was trying to ask her. She told him that he did still have 1 or 2 white shirts, but that he was already dressed and she really didn't want him to take the time to get undressed and redressed again. (He's quite slow and meticulous about everything he does! He's a perfectionist!) I then noticed the clip-on tie he was holding in his hands and I saw the sweet look on his face as he looked at the floor. It seemed important to him that he wear a white shirt. He then, quietly and softly, made the comment "I need to wear a white shirt. The Temple is white." He was so sweet and sincere about it that I looked at Pauline and told her that I would go help him and hurry him along. I found a white shirt and helped him change it and put on his tie. What a handsome little guy!

During this time, Tylor had also noticed the tie in Chayton's hands and decided that he need to wear a tie also. As I was helping Chayton change his shirt, he and Tylor were having a very serious discussion about the fact that they didn't have another tie for Tylor to wear because they were broken. Tylor was a little upset that he didn't have a tie to wear also, but I finally convinced him that he looked very nice and that it would be okay if he didn't wear a tie. The boys were full of questions about what was going to be happening and what we were going to be seeing as we went out the door and loaded everyone in the van.

When we got to the designated church building/parking lot that we had been assigned to upon making our reservation, we went into the church and watched a 12 minute video presentation before boarding the bus to take us up to the Temple. It was interesting to watch the 2 older boys sit perfectly still and watch the video with great interest. They were quite attentive watching it! On the short bus ride up to the Temple the boys all sat and watched out the window and asked questions.

The Temple was beautiful!! Little Kayla was enchanted by all of the pictures throughout and by the beautiful, shiny, sparkly chandeliers in several of the rooms. The boys were very eager to see everything and we described what the rooms were used for as we went from room to room. They also enjoyed following along in the little pamphlet that was given to us as we started the tour. They liked looking at the pictures in the pamphlet and and then seeing each room in person. That seemed very exciting to them.

After the Temple tour, we were led to the Stake Center adjacent to the Temple and they had the gym all beautifully decorated with beautiful music playing................and yummy cookies and water! The boys obviously loved that part, too! We then boarded the bus that took us back to our cars......................and then went and got dinner together.

It was a very enjoyable evening! Pauline's kids are very sweet and it was fun to be able to experience it all with her and her family. We sure love you, Baca Family!

Joseph B. Wirthlin

It was announced in the news this morning that another beloved Prophet of God has passed on from this life into the next.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, the oldest living apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, died peacefully last night in his sleep at the age of 91.

You will be greatly missed, Elder Wirthlin! Enjoy being reunited with your beautiful wife again..............