It's a BOY!! (part 3)

.......OK.....On a more personal note......

At the moment, the name that we have chosen for him will be:

Samuel Matai Nelson

We want him to have a good, strong name that is somewhat indicative of his heritage/culture and where he came from. The Marshallese names and their meanings are apparently somewhat funky and strange, according to our attorney. However, it's easy to find Polynesian names....which is somewhat of a step away from the Marshall Islands. As soon as Matt found the name "Matai"....pronounced "Muh-tie".....I instantly fell in love with it!! It comes from "Matthew".....and it means, "Gift from God". Could it BE more appropriate to our story!? So Matai is actually the name that we're thinking he will go by, with a nickname of "Tai"....pronounced like "tie". Granted, this could change once we are in Arkansas and we see him and hold him for the first time.......:)

Throughout this whole journey up till now, Matt and I (and everyone who has been through this process with us) have continued to watch miracle after miracle happen in making it possible for us to adopt this little guy. There's no doubt in our minds, at this point, that this little boy is supposed to be a part of our family. For whatever reason, his journey to this earth is supposed to come by different means than directly through Matt and I, but that doesn't make him any less OUR son. It is our hope that we can raise him in such a manner that will be pleasing to the Lord and that he will grow up to be a strong, healthy, incredible man someday.


It is also our hope that his birthparents will allow us to be a part of their lives and that they can become somewhat of our extended family. We appreciate them so much for this most precious sacrifice they are making for us! I cannot wait to get to Arkansas and meet them in person and give them huge hugs! No words can truly express the feelings of gratitude and happiness in my heart these days.

All of the hell....the heartache.....the hurt.....is worth it to get to that moment when we can finally hold him in our arms and know that he's OUR son.


Throughout this whole adoption journey, it has been one of my greatest desires to be able to feel the Spirit and know that the Lord is pleased with what we are doing. I have longed to feel the Spirit confirming to me that our adoption stories, whatever they may be, are right for Matt and I and that this is part of our journey in this life.....to raise these children and teach them in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.


Since the beginning of this year, my faith and my trust in my Lord and Savior has grown in leaps and bounds as I have physically watched Him bless Matt and I over and over again. It's been amazing to actually be able to see the Hand of the Lord in my life, guiding and directing us in this journey. On the other hand, I have also witnessed the power of Satan doing everything he can to destroy and stop this process at the same time. As I've watched the 'war' going on between good and evil, I may at times feel frustrated watching Satan try to destroy everything we are working so hard for......but it's also made me more determined than ever to do what's right and stay the course, even when things get tough! I WILL NOT give Satan the satisfaction of winning this battle!


Matt and I have come to the conclusion that our family is not going to be a 'typical family'....but it's going to be one build on hard work, trust, faith, love of the Savior, and a strong testimony in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Whatever the Lord has in store for us and our future children, we will do everything in our power to be in the right place at the right time and find our children by whatever means they are supposed to find us! We will continue to fight for our family and will never give up!


I have such a testimony of this Gospel! It has been reconfirmed to me that....without a doubt.....the Lord DOES know us each, individually and personally. He DOES know our sorrows and our joys and he is continually watching over us and protecting us. However, we all have our trials and our weaknesses.....we all have our journeys that we have to go through in this life.....and He won't stand in the way of that, either. It's up to us to fight through the tough times, stay close to the Lord, and put our trust in him.


Again, I have such a strong testimoney of the Gospel and I have so much love and gratitude for my Heavenly Father! We are SO abundantly blessed!! I pray that we NEVER forget the tough times that have gotten us to this point. I pray that those tough times will help us to be better, more patient, more loving parents. I don't ever want to forget this moment....this journey.....and the events that have led up to it.


This journey is not completely over yet and I pray that it will still end with the 'right' result.....and that it will be a happy ending for Matt and I. But, regardless, I will do my best to remain strong and do whatever the Lord has in store for me and our future family. Only through Christ can we do all things!!

This is the end of the story to this point.....today. Now, we wait for word that little Matai is finally coming to join our family forever!


The story will continue as it continues to unfold......

It's a BOY!! (part 2)

.......in continuation......

Matt and I had no idea that our lives were about to change forever on Wednesday, June 29, 2011.

The day started out much like any other day. Matt actually had the day off work, so he stayed busy all morning doing things around the apartment and running a few errands while I worked. This was also the day that the movie, Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon, came out in theaters and Matt was SUPER EXCITED to go see it, since he LOVES the Transformers movies. He used to love watching the old cartoons when he was a kid growing up. (I call him my big, overgrown little boy! LOL)

Anyway, I was really busy with work all morning and didn't even have time to check out my Facebook page until we were seated in the theater late that afternoon, around 3:00 p.m. Since we had gotten to the theater early and had a little time to kill before the movie started, I pulled up Facebook on my phone and realized I had a private message from someone. Never in a million years did I have any idea that that one simple message would change our lives forever! Here's what I received from a friend, and fellow adoptive mother someday, Heather McKenna:

Hey Call me 000-000-0000 (changed for security reasons) we got some information on a private adoption yet through a facilitator so about 22,000 plus your own travel fees and you need to be certified, We are not currently certified, and can't come up with that much right now, with the federal credit you can get 13,000 back. If you are interested he is trying to place a baby due in august and wants to make a decision today or tomorrow. He is a lawyer in Arizona named Paul Petersen His number is 000-000-0000 (again, changed for security reasons). If you can swing it call him today!!!!!!! and let him know you are certified and ready. Hope you get this. Love a fellow mother at heart, Heather McKenna.

I actually had to read this message 2 or 3 times before I finally turned to Matt and just handed my phone to him to read it. As soon as he read it, he looked at me and said...."Let's do it! Let's go for it!" I, on the other hand, questioned it at first because of the money and a few other things. I'm always very hesitant and cautious when it comes to these things. I don't want to get screwed over and I'm tired of all of the disappointment and heartbreak when it doesn't happen, yet again. After talking for just a minute or 2 more, we decided that it couldn't hurt to at least call the attorney and get a little more information before making any kind of real decisions about pursuing it. So Matt got up right then, walked out of the theater, and called Paul. He ended up leaving him a message and Paul called him back the next day.

When Paul called Matt back, Matt expressed an interest in learning more details about the adoption situation and told him that we have been trying to adopt for a long time now. We spoke with Paul and began emailing him, getting more details about the situation over the next 2 days. I was still a bit concerned about the money and a few other things, but we became more and more interested in pursuing it, the more information we got from Paul.

We found out, by that point, that there were actually 2 different placements taking place, a baby girl in August and a baby boy in September. On Thursday, June 30, I emailed Paul our adoption blog information and our adoption profile information with LDS Family Services, which he then forwarded on to the birthmothers to take a look at. I had also requested Paul's licensing information with Arizona so that I could check him out and make sure he was legitimately who he was claiming to be. He sent me that information, which I was able to check out with the Arizona Bar Association. He also sent me the names and phone #'s of 5 other couples that we could contact to check for references and find out how their adoption experiences had gone. I will admit that I didn't call any of them right away, simply out of fear, but I did feel better having their information to do so.

It wasn't until several weeks later that I actually did make those phone calls. I talked to an adoptive father who was very nice and helpful. I also had the privilege of talking with Saige Hall, who adopted little Jack through Paul. She and I had a really great conversation on the phone and we've since become really great friends! Through her, I was also able to connect with Stephanie Sibbett, who has adopted 2 little boys through Paul as well. She and I have also become really great friends as well! It's been really great to have a new little support group to talk to and get advice from. :)

Anyway, I received an email from Paul on July 1 informing us that he had preliminary word that the birthmom due in September liked our profile. He stated at that time that he needed to confirm everything and would keep in contact with me, which he did and it became official over the next couple weeks that the birthmom had chosen us for sure to be the adoptive parents of her little baby, due September 14, 2011.

In the meantime, Matt and I had begun praying our hearts out over whether or not it was right to pursue this adoption for sure. We made the decision to go to the Jordan River Temple the night of Friday, July 1 in search of some peace and guidance about what we should do at that point. We also decided to take the weekend to pray and fast about it as well. By the end of that weekend, Matt and I hadn't gotten any real earthshaking answers or anything like that, but we did feel good about pursing things as we had started to do and we felt that we were going in a good direction. So we continued pursuing.......

I failed to mention previously that about 2 or 3 weeks before all of this had started happening, I had suddenly begun to get the impression that it was time to finally finish the paperwork for Foster Care and complete the licensing, etc. Up to that point, I had never felt completely comfortable/right about finishing the process, in spite of the fact that we had already taken all of the classes and had received our certification 2 years prior. We had even filled out most of the paperwork to complete the licensing, but I never could feel good enough about it to turn it all in. Suddenly, I began to feel that it was finally time. Naturally, I assumed at the time that it was because it was time for us to go through Foster Care instead of continuing to wait for something to happen with LDS Family Services. I hadn't even had time yet to tell Matt about my thoughts/impressions before all of this adoption stuff suddenly began to happen. I had wanted to be sure of what I was feeling before I got Matt's hopes up again and we began to pursue Foster Care for real this time.

Little did I know that getting that licensing completed with the State of Utah was one of the requirements to make this adoption happen.......

On Monday, July 5, I called Foster Care and set up an appointment with Dan @ Foster Care to come to our apartment and meet with Matt and I. Dan came and visited with us at 12:30 p.m. on Tuesday, July 6 and we discovered that the Foster Care Classes began again THAT NIGHT at 5:30 p.m. So we went to our first class that very night......and every Wednesday & Thursday night from 5:30 p.m. - 9:30 p.m. throughout the entire month of July.....finishing up and receiving our current certification on Thursday, July 28, 2011. We met with our Licensor, Janice, @ 4:30 p.m. on Wednesday, August 10, 2011. She then wrote everything up for us and brought our licensing certificate by on the afternoon of Monday, August 15. At that point, that hurdle was done!! We had been racing against the clock, with a deadline of August 31, in order for this adoption to happen. :)

In the meantime, Matt and I had also begun to tackle the money hurdle as well. We've received several VERY generous donations from people, some anonymous and some not.....all of which have helped tremendously! Matt has taken on several jobs for different people, which has allowed us to get part of the money that way as well. And the rest of the money has come from fundraisers that we've done over the last few weeks.

One of our close friends, Summer Fordham, is a Scentsy Consultant and she did a Scentsy party for me on Saturday, July 30, 2011....which raised a good amount of money and was a great help to us. Our close friends, Ryan & Trisha Bruerton, had a HUGE yard sale for us on Saturday, August 6, 2011 on their front lawn. The next weekend, Saturday, August 13, we had a Dinner/Silent Auction that our close friends, Kat, Ashley, & Trisha, organized for us and did an absolutely AMAZING job!! That night alone, we were able to raise the rest of the money that was necessary for the rest of the upfront adoption fees that we needed to pay by September 1. And finally, on Saturday, August 20, we had another HUGE yard sale out in our old neighborhood in West Jordan, which our close friend, Salina Lenz, organized for us. All of the money raised from that and from here on out will go towards helping us with travel costs and getting the rest of the things that we need to take care of our little guy once we get him home finally.

......keep reading...not quite done yet. :)

It's a BOY!!

Well.....after 8.5 long years of waiting, praying, and hoping.....

it's finally time to tell you our adoption story.....thus far (it's not over yet!).

I don't even know quite where to begin with it......I just know that I've been feeling impressions lately that I really need to sit down and write this all out while it's fresh in my mind. I want this story recorded for our own personal family history and I really don't want to forget anything important. I guess I'll just start at the beginning. So here goes......

Matt and I have come to the conclusion....realization....whatever you want to call it.....that our story actually began years ago. However, it hasn't been until the beginning of this year, 2011, that we've really seen very specific steps leading up to this very moment in our lives. There have been a very specific series of events that have taken place since the beginning of 2011, which we cannot now deny have been planned and set up perfectly to put us in the right place at the right time for this adoption.

I'm not gonna lie......the year 2010 was probably one of the hardest years for me....for some very personal reasons. In a nutshell, I've felt a lot of very personal inner struggles about who I am and what my role is in this life as a daughter, sister, woman, wife, future mother.....and, most importantly, as a Daughter of God. I've struggled harder than ever before with feelings of inadequacy and doubting my self worth. I felt lost and very alone for much of 2010. Don't get me wrong......I have the most amazing husband in the world, who loves me and supports me in everything! He is a constant support and friend to me. I also have the most amazing friends in the world as well.......but this was something very personal that I struggled with inside on a regular basis.

2010 brought several heartbreaks and uncertainties for us as far as the adoption process was concerned. A few times, I very seriously contemplated giving up and walking away from it all. During those periods of frustration, anger, bitterness, and utter heartbreak, I just couldn't see how the adoption process was going to work for us.....and I worried that it never would. Through it all, I kept remembering the words of my Patriarchal Blessing, in which it speaks very directly about my children (in plural) and my relationship that I will have with them if I will continue to live righteously. I used to wonder for years, before I got married and we began trying to start our family, why my Blessing said some of the things it did. But as we've come through the adoption process, things have begun to make a lot more sense to me and I can absolutely see what it's talking about. Maybe that's what kept me going when I wanted to give up.......

Then, as the year 2011 began and some changes took place at Matt's work, etc, he and I finally looked at each other one day and decided that enough was enough!! We were sick and tired of struggling so much and decided that it was time to take some action and make some very big changes in our lives!

The first change we decided to make was to sell our house. That was a very difficult decision to make, since we loved our cute little house and we loved our ward and the neighborhood we lived in. We had.....and still have......many great and wonderful friends in that neighborhood in West Jordan! After praying and deciding that selling the house was the right thing to do, we quickly moved on it and it actually sold in about 47 days! Unheard of right now, with the crappy economy! At the time, Matt and I had no idea why.....but we definitely felt the Lord's hand in selling that house. While we do miss living so close to our friends out there, we aren't that far away and we haven't regretted our decision!

In the middle of selling the house and preparing for all of that.....we found our GORGEOUS apartment that we now live in and moved into it the weekend of March 4-6. We LOVE IT!! We love the area and we love our new Ward! It's been a real blessing in our lives to find something so nice, that we like so much, and to be able to save so much money in the process! We know that this is where we need to be for the time being, until we feel prompted to go elsewhere again.

Because of the move, we then had to switch LDS Family Services Offices and all of our profile information was moved from the West Valley Agency to the Riverton Agency. We met with our new Case Worker, Emily Anderson, on May 10, 2011. She's a really cute, really sweet girl and we were excited to begin working with her....and had hopes that maybe now SOMETHING would finally happen for us. But it didn't......and I had pretty much reached the point of HATING to have to answer the question that everyone kept asking us, "So what's going on with the adoption process? Anything new?" I hated having to say over and over again.....nothing. Absolutely nothing to report. It was like stabbing my heart every time I had to say it and I just didn't even want to talk about it anymore at all.

In the process of all of this, we got another lead or 2 from several different people regarding possible adoptions.....but still nothing happened with any of them. And we continued to wait......

My little sister, Tammy, married Xavier Colleu in the Columbia, South Carolina Temple on Saturday, June 11, 2011. I flew down to Texas on Monday, June 6 and drove with my other younger sister and her 5 kids to South Carolina on Tuesday, June 7. We stayed in South Carolina until Monday, June 13, when we drove back to Texas. I flew out of Texas and back home to Salt Lake on Tuesday, June 14. It was great to see my family and have some time to spend with them!

I still have yet to post pictures and more detail about each of these events. But, for now, this is just a brief synopsis of our year up to this point. :)

Keep reading......you're about to get to the 'good part'! LOL