Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

In the last year in particular I have found that it has become more and more of a struggle for me to read my scriptures and say my prayers daily. It's something that I KNOW I should be doing, but for some reason I seem to struggle with actually getting it done. I'm allowing too many other unimportant things to get in the way......or it basically really just boils down to pure laziness on my part.

I've come to the realization that this is part of the reason that this last year has been a struggle for me on several different levels. I've missed having that close relationship with my Heavenly Father and I have felt quite 'alone' for much of this last year....which I've come to the realization is largely due to my own fault.

With the beginning of the new year, it has become very evident to me that I need to make some positive changes on my part. I need to reevaluate the things that are most important to me and put those things first and foremost in my life. I have to make a conscious effort to stop allowing those things that are unimportant and distracting from getting in the way and taking over.

I used to have such a wonderful, loving, and close relationship with my Heavenly Father. I knew that he knew me and that he knew what was going on in my life. With great joy and appreciation, I can actually look back over my life at numerous occasions when I recognized then and still do today that my Heavenly Father was there for me. Whatever trials and tests I may have been enduring at that time, I can honestly say now with great confidence that I KNOW with a surety that my Heavenly Father was there for me and that he helped me to get through those tough times. And it was through those tough times that I gained an even greater love and appreciation for my Savior in ways that I might not have otherwise.

I guess in my stubbornness and in my own stupidity, I have chosen to forget those things in the last year or 2......and, as a result, I have felt quite alone at times. I haven't felt nearly as close or connected to my Heavenly Father during this time of trial as I should be.....and it's completely my own fault, I know.

With the beginning of the new year and my realization that some things need to change in my life........I have gained a greater desire to get back to that relationship that I used to have with my Savior. I want to feel his loving arms around me again, comforting me when my heart is breaking and when I'm struggling with my own personal trials. I want to feel his love and the hope and peace that comes with it. I want to have greater faith and hope that the things that I'm struggling with will work themselves out eventually when the time is right. I'm tired of the loneliness and fear that I've felt for quite some time now.

Yes, I said fear. I have also come to the realization that fear is a large part of some of what I've been struggling with as well. Fear of the unknown......fear of failure......fear that I can't handle or do whatever it is that the Lord has in store for me. It's time to finally let go of that fear and allow myself to be a better person and have faith that with the Lord's help and guiding hand, I can do whatever it is that He needs me to do. I do know that with the Lord's help I can do anything......I just forgot.....again.

As part of my effort to make some of these positive changes in my life, Matt and I have made some pretty big decisions. We made the decision to sell our house and 'downsize' and 'simplify' for a while and move into an apartment while we do so. While it was a very hard decision to make, it's one that we haven't regretted and that we still feel very good and peaceful about. It's been a good faith-promoting experience for us both. We have both felt the hand of the Lord guiding us and helping us in the process. Once those decisions were made, we felt that they were the right ones and we have felt peace and happiness about it since.

I have also begun to make some personal changes of my own in order to rekindle my relationship with my Heavenly Father again. I guess you could say that I'm trying to get back to basics and 'simplify' in the spiritual aspect as well. I have made a goal for myself to read my scriptures at least a 1/2 hour a day and to say my personal prayers again. I have really, earnestly, been doing this for about 2 weeks now, and I can already feel a difference. I have designated an hour to 1.5 hours first thing in the morning as MY time. This is MY time to read my scriptures, say my prayers, and I also even allow myself time to read a chapter or 2 of whatever book I'm enjoying reading at the time. I'm not quite to my scriptures yet, but I have been trying to catch up on reading the Ensign as a way to start. (I'm about 2 years behind.) I have found that it's been a great way to start my morning and I find that I actually look forward to getting up in the morning and having this 'ME' time.

Anyway, in my reading this morning in the May 2009, Conference issue of the Ensign I came across this talk and it completely blew me away!! I know I heard this talk when Elder Pearson actually gave it in Conference 2 years ago.....but I'm sure it didn't sink in nearly as profoundly as it did today. This talk absolutely penetrated my heart to the core.......so much so that I actually read it twice. It was everything I needed to hear right now. I wanted to share it with you, so here is the link to get to that talk online.

http://lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/faith-in-the-lord-jesus-christ?lang=eng&query=faith+lord+jesus+christ

AMAZING!! Exactly what I needed to hear today. It was like a ray of light shining into my soul as I read it and I immediately knew that this is what I need to focus on right now. I need to let go of the fear and work on having more faith. I need to learn to love myself more and stop worrying about failure and fear of the 'unknown'.

I KNOW this to be true, but I have to constantly remind myself:

As long as I allow my Heavenly Father to guide me.....and as long as I have the faith and am in tune enough to recognize that guidance.....I can do anything! When the time is right, those blessings that I seek will be granted and those things that I struggle with will become easier. I HAVE to let go of the fear that has been holding me back for so long and allow myself to do the things that I need to do. I know that my Savior loves me and that he knows my personal struggles. I KNOW that I am a Child of God and that he loves me and knows what's best for me......and I have to hold onto that.