Adoption Update

I thought I would take a few minutes to update everyone on what's currently going on with the adoption process for us.

Last weekend, on Friday night and all day Saturday, we had adoption classes. I guess there were probably about 25-30 couples there, so there were quite a few people! We started at 6:00 p.m. on Friday night, the 18th, with a welcome and introductions, and an opening prayer. We then talked about pre-placement issues and preparation for adoption etc. It was all very interesting to hear, but I really enjoyed the adoptive parent panel the most that night. There were 2 couples who came in and sat on a panel in front of us for about an hour. Incidentally, the 2 couples are related..............the wife of the one couple and the husband of the other couple are brother and sister and both just happen to have fertility issues that have prevented them from getting pregnant so they've both adopted children. It was really great to be able to hear their stories about how they found their babies, and to hear their perspectives and their struggles as they went through the whole process. The one thing they really stressed was to not just sit and wait for the phone call, but to continue to live life and enjoy the time that we have together as a couple before the babies come. I think that Matt and I do pretty well with that. Another thing that was really stressed to us that night was to put out trust in the Lord and we will have 'our stories'. Both couples said that if we will do our part and then put our trust and faith in the Lord we will find our babies who are supposed to be a part of our families. I truly believe that! As you can imagine..............I cried through much of that evening!! :) Matt and I came away feeling very emotionally drained but very spiritually fed and uplifted...............and even more excited to continue with the adoption process.

Saturday morning, the 19th, started at 9:00 a.m. We received some more encouraging and helpful words about the adoption process and about how to make our adoption happen as smoothly as possible. They showed us a 10 minute DVD about a young woman who placed her baby for adoption with a couple. It really showed the love that the young woman had for that baby and how much it broke her heart to make the decision to give that baby more than she could give her at that time. Again, I was crying!

We had a pot luck lunch with everyone, and it was fun to sit and just talk with other couples who are feeling, struggling, and going through the same things that Matt and I are. I found myself realizing again that we are not alone, and that there are others out there who do understand. Sometimes it is really hard when you're struggling through a particularly hard day...........and you quite often find yourself feeling very alone when EVERYONE else around you is either pregnant or has several children. No one can TRULY understand the frustration, the hurt, and the sadness that you often feel when you're going through infertility issues. It was really great to be able to sit in that room and feel the hurt, the pain, the excitement, the fear, the tears running down my cheeks, the Spirit so strong in that room................and know that, for once, Matt and I weren't the only ones feeling it. Everyone else in that room was feeling the same things and I didn't have to feel stupid for crying about it!! Even the men cry!! :)

The part of the whole weekend that probably hit me the hardest and affected me very deeply was the Birth Parent Panel. And I haven't been able to get it out of my head since! They had 5 young girls come in and sit on a panel in front of us. 2 of the girls were 14 or 15, 1 of the girls was 20, and 2 of the girls were 24. Every single one of them have come from broken families where there was only their mothers to raise them and provide for them the best they could. None of the fathers were in the girls lives, and each one of them said how they hurt their whole lives because he wasn't a part of their lives and didn't care to be. Each girl was not active in the gospel at the time that she became pregnant, but each girl found themselves on their knees during the pregnancy crying and praying their hearts out to their Heavenly Father to help them make the right decision and give their baby more than they could give them. Every one of the girls said that they knew that they didn't want their baby to end up with only 1 parent like they had, and wanted their babies to have more than they had had in their lives. Each of those girls made probably one the absolute hardest decisions of their lives...........and one of the most selfless decisions, too! They love their babies enough to give them a better life than they could provide with a loving mother AND a father to nurture and raise the children in the Gospel. I felt so much love and admiration for those girls as I sat there and listened to each one, and watched each one of them still struggling to move on with their lives and live with the pain in their hearts. Each of the girls has since found a renewed faith and relationship with their Heavenly Father and have been able to finish school..................and some will go on to be married in the Temple and raise families of their own in the Gospel. Suddenly, those girls became more than someone who just made a 'mistake' and didn't want their baby so they 'gave it away', as the world so often sees them. Suddenly, the whole process took on so much more of an eternal perspective for me! I suddenly saw those girls through Christ's eyes. I suddenly saw each of them as daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves them so much and wants them to be happy and live good, productive lives!! I realized that those girls were instruments in an eternal plan to bring those children into the homes of waiting couples who aren't able to bring them into this world by themselves, for whatever reason.

I don't think I've ever really thought very much about it, but no longer do I have the misconception that those girls getting pregnant was just a 'mistake'. I truly believe that there is an eternal purpose in adoption, and that those girls are the keys to helping so many other couples to be able to have children of their own to raise and love in the Gospel. I believe that there was a plan that was laid out in the pre-existence that involved each of those girls, those babies, and the adoptive couples. I believe that we each probably made an agreement that this was the way that that child was supposed to end up in each of our homes. Matt and I can't wait to see what 'our story' will be! As you can imagine, that was an EXTREMELY emotional day for me! I cried through much of the day and the Spirit was so strong!!

I hope that throughout the coming months, years...........however long it takes us............that I can remain close to my Heavenly Father and put my trust in him to help me find my children, whether they be through natural means or through the adoption process. I feel more strongly than ever now that Matt and I haven't gone through this trial on 'accident', but that there is at least one child waiting right now to join our family and we just have to find him/her. I can't wait to meet that child, and I hope that I can put my trust and faith in Heavenly Father and be in tune enough to the Spirit so that I can be guided in the right direction. I find myself going to the book store these days and finding books that I can read about adoption to better help educate myself so that I will be ready. I keep thinking about our birth mother..............how special she is where ever she is. I don't know her yet................but I hope she knows how much I love her and how often I am brought to tears just thinking about her. I wonder where she is right now? Has she already begun the process? Or does she still have no idea what's coming yet? I find myself praying for her and asking Heavenly Father to watch over her and protect her in her time of need and uncertainty. I wish that I could be with her from the very beginning............from the day she finds out she's pregnant and starts to make one of the hardest decisions she'll ever have to make! I wish that I could take her in my arms and comfort her when she needs it..........give her a shoulder to cry on when she needs it. I hope she knows or comes to realize how special she is, and how excited Matt and I are to have her become a part of our lives and join our family someday. Our beautiful birthmother whereever you are.................we love you and we pray for you every day!!