It's me again................

Ok...........So I was reading through the 2 posts I've already posted today and realized they are probably totally contradictory to one another. The first one I wrote this morning, before Matt told me about Gig and Heidi. The other one I just barely wrote a few minutes ago. I can't help but worry that the future birthmother of my baby will be hurt and/or offended by my venting session a few minutes ago, if she comes across it and reads it. I would just delete that post, but it's important to me and it is some of my very real feelings that I'm sharing.

YES!! Infertility and the loss of a baby REALLY SUCKS!!! There are some days that you just want to give up and let the dream go. You just want to be angry, hurt, sad, depressed, unhappy.............and REALLY MAD that life sucks so bad sometimes!!

But most days, I know that I just have to be patient and that Heavenly Father will help me figure it all out. I know that when I'm having a bad day and feeling really down about life............He can pick me back up, dust me off, and help me to know that it's going to be okay as long as I will stay close to Him and put my life in his hands. I don't understand why things are the way they are sometimes, but there is a purpose and a reason for it all. I think I've said it before in an earlier post.................I have a very different outlook on families after going through the adoption process. I think my eyes have been opened to realize that sometimes when things go wrong in our lives or don't go according to plan.....................there's still a reason for it. There's a lesson to be learned by everyone.

I have good and bad days, just like everyone else. I'm human. We all are. But as long as I let my Heavenly Father guide me...........I'll figure it all out and things will get better. Without Him..............I would be totally lost. Thanks, Heavenly Father, for always being there for me even when I'm being stubbon and not always listening!