Foster Care Class #1 - Orientation/Team Building

Well.............Matt and I went to our first Foster Care Class on Saturday. This class was an introduction to our instructor, Liz Rivera, who I know from somewhere and can't figure it out. We both recognized each other when I introduced myself and it's going to drive me nuts until I figure it out! LOL Anyway, she started us out by having us all go around the room and introduce ourselves and then basically introduced us to some of the things we are going to be learning in the next 7 classes. She also went over the expectations of coming to the classes, etc.

Part of this class, Liz showed us a video of a boy named Richard Cardinal........a true story that took place back in the 1970s and 1980s in Canada........and then we discussed it as a group. The video was horribly made and so old..........but it got the point across. As you can guess....anyone who knows me well, anyway....I ended up in tears watching all that he went through. The pain and the heartache, the suffering, the neglect, the abuse........it broke my heart! I went through a range of emotions while watching the video............from anger to pain to heartache, etc. This was a child who was screaming out for help his entire life, yet no one would listen. He was one of the youngest of 8 children and they were all split up and separated. He didn't even know most of his siblings and, more than anything, he wanted contact with them. He wanted to know where they were and if they were going through some of the same things he was. He wanted to know if they were ok and if they were happy. But he was never given the chance. He was shuffled around from home to home and from institution to institution his entire life. I was shocked and apalled at some of the places he was placed into for foster care! They were places that he should have been removed from because of the circumstances he was being placed in! Richard kept a journal of his thoughts and feelings, etc, all throughout his life. He was very much in tune with is feelings, but he didn't know how to handle them and deal with them so he would often resort to getting into trouble. He was hurt and angry, and just wanted someone to love him and accept him. He made the comment that in one of his last foster homes his foster mother actually tried to put her arm around him and comfort him about something at one point, but he didn't know how to handle it because no one had ever touched him or hugged him before. His entire life, no one ever hugged him.........no one even touched him in a kind manner..........no one ever told him they loved him or were proud of him. It breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes everytime I think of that. I can't imagine how that would be. I come from a very affectionate, loving family.........there was NEVER any doubt that I was deeply loved and cared for. I firmly believe that proper, appropriate love and affection are vital to a child's well-being!

Anyway, Richard actually attempted suicide 2 or 3 times throughout his life. Finally at age 17, he succeeded by hanging himself from a tree at his foster family's house. Another thing that made me quite angry was the fact that Richard actually hung a noose in a tree several days before his suicide. The foster mother saw it and actually called the agency and tried to tell someone that she was worried about him......but no one would listen and she was completely blown off. She was told not to worry about it........that Richard liked body building and that that was probably what it was for. HELLOOOOO!!!! Never mind the fact that he's ALREADY tried several times to kill himself!! I was LIVID when I heard that!! Finally, at Richard's funeral, someone arranged for all of his siblings to be there.............but it was too late and none of them even knew each other anymore.

After the video was over, we discussed it as a group. Things are definitely much better with the foster care system now than they were back then, but it's still not perfect. As a group, we discussed ways that we might have done things differently/handled things differently with Richard. We talked about our feelings as we watched the video, etc. It obviously brought out some very strong feelings in many people............me included!!

When Matt and I had first walked into the room for the class, we were amazed and a little shocked by how many people were there. It was a very large group and the room was full! We got there early and ended up sitting at the back! A lot of the people had several children of their own..........a few had none, like us. I'm pretty sure most of the people were not LDS. Good people, with good hearts, wanting to provide something better for these children....for the most part. You don't even have to be married to foster children, either.....and some weren't. Some of these people obviously drink and smoke............you could just tell, and I could smell it. The thought that went through my head was that these were all nice people..........but there was definitely a very different feeling, a different caliber of people, in this group than there is in the groups that we meet at LDS Family Services. As we went through the class, I couldn't help looking around at the people in the room and wondering what each of their motives were for being there and for doing foster care. That was actually one of the things that Liz talked about as well. She was trying to get across to each of us the level of commitment that needs to be there when we are taking these children into our homes. There are people who do it for the wrong reasons......or when things don't go the way they 'planned' it to, then they give up. As I looked around at these people in this class, I wondered and hoped that they were all good people who were trying to do something good for these children, rather than for their own gain. It made my level of commitment that much greater.

I also suddenly came to realize as I sat in that room that not all of these children are going to go into good, strong LDS homes. There is a much higher chance of that happening with the children who are adopted through LDS Family Services.........but not necessarily with Foster Care. Matt and I will have the opportunity to, not only bring love and kindness into these chilren's lives for however long they are in our home, but we will also be able to bring the Gospel into their lives as well. I feel that that is so important.

When I was 16 and living in Germany, I received my Patriarchal Blessing, which has been most precious to me throughout the years since. Last week, I pulled it out and read it again. My Blessing indicates that my mission on this earth is to, first, work out my own salvation and, second, to teach the children and bless the lives of those that I come in contact with. Throughout my Blessing it tells me that I am to 'teach the children'...........and tells me quite a bit about the relationship that I will have with my children someday if I will stay close to the Gospel and to my Heavenly Father. As Matt and I have struggled to get our family started, that has been the one thing that keeps me hanging on in particularly tough times. I KNOW that Matt and I will have children someday...........I just don't know when or how at this point. Without that knowledge, it would be a lot harder for me some days. There are quite a few things that my Blessing says about my relationship with my children that have always puzzled me and I've always wondered why it said those things. But as Matt and I go through this process...........I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm beginning to gain a little more understanding of some of the things that are said. Maybe Matt and I are to bring these children into our home and teach them and love them.....for however long we have them. I have developed some very passionate, very strong feelings about adoption and foster care. It can't imagine what some of these children go through and it breaks my heart. Matt and I know that this is going to be very difficult for us at times............but if we can remain strong and bless the life of even one child for a short time, then all the pain and heartache that we might have to go through will be worth it. I still don't quite know what's in store for us in the future....but I do know that our future is strong and that when we someday find our chilidren, wherever they are, whether through Foster Care or through LDS Family Services, we will know it and we will love them even more because of the struggles and the trials that we've gone through to get them. Hopefully, we can be better, more patient parents as a result.

I thank my Heavenly Father every day for the blessing of being married to Matt. He has such a tender heart and is so special! He loves little children and they sure love him, too! He will be an incredible Dad someday. I feel very blessed to have him in my life. We've grown closer and stronger together over the last few years as we've struggled to get our family started..........and it makes us more determined than ever! We make such a great team!

I love you, Matt, and I'm happy to go through this 'journey' with you!